CREATE A GOSPEL-SHARING ENVIRONMENT 

 

“Jamal, does this make sense to you?” Keith asked.

  

Jamal nodded.

 

“Has anyone ever shared this with you before?”

 

“Never,” he said.

  

A half-hour of conversation over a Coke and curly fries had led to that point, and Jamal was genuinely amazed that God wanted a personal relationship with him. “With so many people in the world,” he wondered, “why would God want to know me?”

            

At one point in the conversation, Keith asked Jamal if he wanted to accept Christ, but he could tell he wasn’t quite ready. Jamal wasn’t sure about giving God certain areas of his life. So Keith gave him a copy of the Gospel of John and asked him to read it and write down any questions he had. As Keith drove home, he prayed that God would open Jamal’s heart so he would understand Jesus’ love for him.

            

Four months passed. Jamal and Keith talked often, but Keith never pressed him about having a relationship with Christ. Then one Sunday night, Jamal showed up at a discussion session. After listening to students talk for over an hour, Keith explained what it would mean to ask Christ into their lives and encouraged those who were ready to talk to him afterward.

            

Jamal did. With tears in his eyes, he told Keith he was ready and opened his heart to Jesus. Keith drove home thinking, It doesn’t get any better than this!

 

Create an Atmosphere of Love and Acceptance

When students sense that you’re more concerned about straightening out their lives than being loving and accepting, they become defensive and tune you out. So when you meet to talk about what it means to have a relationship with Christ, it’s vital to create the kind of atmosphere of love and acceptance that Jesus did in His interaction with the Samaritan woman. Here are some ways to cultivate that atmosphere:

 

1. Listen intently. Spend some time asking questions. Focus on their interests, not yours. Most people long to be heard and understood, so let them express themselves and make mental notes about what he or she says. Fully engage in the conversation.

 

2. Ask open-ended questions. Questions that begin with “are,” “is,” “will,” “do,” “has,” and “can” are closed questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no—the default responses for most students, especially insecure or less talkative ones. Instead, ask questions that begin with “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “why,” and “how.” “Where are you going for spring break? What are you looking forward to doing there? Who will you be staying with? What is it like there?” These allow a conversation to unfold.

 

3. Encourage expressions of feelings. When a student mentions a significant life event or struggle—separated parents, moving into a new neighborhood, difficulty in making new friends, relationship frustrations, grades—ask questions about how they felt in that situation. “What was that like for you?” “How did you find the strength to deal with it?” “What did you say in that situation?” These kinds of questions encourage a student to open up and will make him or her feel heard, understood, and cared for. 

 

 In all your conversations with students, authentically convey your humanness, inadequacies, and vulnerabilities. Be transparent and honest (without oversharing), and genuinely share your interest and concern for them. As you invite them to share their heart with you, remember that you are not only sharing your heart with them but also the heart of Jesus for them. 

 

This creates an environment in which His love can be clearly expressed and felt. Students are yearning for someone to love and accept them, and when they sense that you do, they will allow you to share the message of Christ. An atmosphere of openness encourages them to open their hearts to Him.

 

Sow the Seed of the Gospel

Once we begin to cultivate relationships with students in a way that shows them that someone cares about them, we have a meaningful context to tell them God cares about them. But we want to do more than that. We want to continue to sow the seed of the gospel into the fertile soil of their hearts. How do we do that? 

            

At times, you may find an almost immediate, natural segue into sharing the gospel in a casual conversation with a student. In that case, do so! But be sensitive not to create an awkward situation. If that conversation is happening with a student’s friends around, he or she may be glad for others to listen in or could feel self-conscious or inhibited in responding to you. You also run the risk of being interrupted. Ideally, it’s best to have a private, focused conversation. 

            

With Jesus as our best possible example, think about His encounter with Nicodemus in John 3. We don’t know the full background of their meeting, but Jesus and Nicodemus were together—alone. We can follow a few practical ideas from this conversation on creating the best environment for sharing the gospel.

 

• Block out time in your schedule to meet with students. With all of the people clamoring for Jesus’ attention, He set aside this specific time to meet with Nicodemus. We can do the same. We’re as busy as are the students we want to talk to, but by setting aside blocks of time to meet with them, we make this a priority. For example, set aside a couple of afternoons after school and some time on Saturdays. Then flex as much as you can to meet when your students are available. Do whatever works best for you and your students. When we give freely of our time and create an atmosphere of love and acceptance, we demonstrate not only that we care, but also that the God we represent cares too.

 

• Decide on a semiprivate (but not secluded) location—someplace the student will feel comfortable to talk freely. Avoid formal places (like an office), but also places that are too informal (like a student hangout). A quiet restaurant often works well.

 

• Never meet with the opposite sex alone. Too many leaders have put themselves in compromising situations or even the appearance of one, and it never turns out well. If you’re meeting with a student of the opposite sex, invite a leader of the opposite sex to join you.

 

• Invite the student. If you have cultivated a good relationship, that student will want to spend time with you. It doesn’t have to be a big deal—just ask if they want to have a Coke after school. 

 

• Give the reason. A student may ask why you want to meet, and you can honestly say you want to get to know them better. Or you can say, “I want to get your opinion on something.” If the answer is “no,” don’t take it personally. Spend more time building the relationship. 

 

• Confirm the appointment beforehand. Get a phone number when you make the appointment in case something comes up. Text the night before to confirm; otherwise the student may not remember.

 

• Arrive 15 minutes early. Many students won’t wait for an adult more than five minutes, so make sure you’re there by the time he or she arrives. The last thing you want to communicate is that you have forgotten him or her.

 

• Never miss an appointment. If you forget, the student may say it’s okay, but it will feel like you didn’t care and will take a lot of effort to regain lost trust.

 

• Pay for the food. Have you ever met a student who doesn’t love a free meal? Of course not. Plus, you’re the one who asked, so make it as easy on the student as possible. (But if it’s a guy, don’t say you will pay until you see how much food he has ordered!)

 

You can imagine Jesus thinking through these steps before Nicodemus showed up. Jesus was prompt, organized, always ready to serve, and prepared to engage with Nicodemus and convey this message and more: “For God so loved the world he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him would not perish but would have eternal life”  (John 3:16). 

            

These simple, practical steps will create an environment for students to open up and give you the opportunity not only to turn the conversation to Christ but also to share the gospel fully and freely in an unhurried manner, and in a quiet place and with time to open their hearts to Jesus.  

 

Your Next Steps

We encourage you to keep a notebook or journal of ideas, action steps, and resources that will help you advance your youth ministry. You can use the following questions and suggestions for brainstorming and developing your goals and plans. 

 

• In your experience, what attitudes and approaches have you found that might cause a student to feel defensive and not feel love and acceptance? What practical steps can you take to avoid or overcome that defensiveness?

 

• Keep in mind one student with whom you want to build a relationship, and write one question for each area mentioned above (Information, Probing, Feeling, Spiritual) to help you engage in a relationship-building conversation that could create an opportunity for a gospel conversation.

 

• Think through the conversation you want to have with this student. Before you meet, write down two or three questions you will use to get into the conversation.

 

• Be prepared to share a gospel presentation like “Life in 6 Words” or “3 Circles.”

 

• Decide the next steps you will take if this student does pray to receive Christ, as well as what approach you will take if he or she is not yet ready. 

 

Resources

• "3 Circles" gospel presentation and app and “3 Circles” Evangelism Kit (free download) 

 

• “Life in 6 Words,” Dare 2 Share, www.dare2share.org